同事是个绝世美女，和她一起去打疫苗，医生对同事说：“裤子脱掉，趴桌上。”完事后轮到我了，医生看了我一眼说：“把袖子挽起来，打胳膊上。”尼玛，我是该高兴还是高兴呢？

“医生，我头痛发热恶心想吐，麻烦你给我看看是怎么回事”，“你先回去，注意饮食卫生，记得多喝水，完了配副眼镜”，“不是，医生，你都还没看呢怎么就让我回去呢，再说了头痛跟带眼镜有什么关系？”“看清楚了，我是保安，大夫在三楼”“哦！”

医生是我们文明世界的精华

人生是疾病，世界是医院，而死是我们的医生。

弗恩太太在路上遇到了给她看病的医生，便顺便问他：“大夫，您上次给我开的镇痛剂价格那么贵，可不管用啊！”“不会吧？”医生回答，“是不是您的服用方法不对呢？”“对的啊！我一感疼痛，便用温开水冲服。”“那可不行！您必须在疼痛开始前半小时服药，这才是科学的服用方法。”

Jerrywenttoapsychiatrist."Doc，"hesaid，"I'vegottrouble.EverytimeIgetintobed，Ithinkthere'ssomebodyunderit.I'mgoingcrazy！""Justputyourselfinmyhandsforoneyear，"saidtheshrink."Cometomethreetimesaweek，andI'llcureyourfears.""Howmuchdoyoucharge？""Ahundreddollarspervisit.""I'llsleeponit，"saidJerry.SixmonthslaterthedoctormetJerryonthestreet."Whydidn'tyouevercometoseemeagain？"askedthepsychiatrist."Forahundredbucksavisit？Thebartendercuredmefor$10.""Isthatso！How？""Hetoldmetocutthelegsoffthebed！A ...

Tomhadthisproblemofgettinguplateinthemorningandwasalwayslateforwork.Hisbosswasmadathimandthreatenedtofirehimifhedidn'tdosomethingaboutit.SoTomwenttohisdoctor，thedoctorgavehimapillandtoldhimtotakeitbeforehewenttobed.Tomsleptwell，andinfact，beatthealarminthemorning.Hehadaleisurelybreakfastanddrovecheerfullytowork."Boss"，hesaid，"Thepillactuallyworked！""That'sallfine"saidtheboss，"Butwherewereyouyesterday？"汤姆早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他 ...

莉莎在一家大公司当财务总监，风华正茂便已事业有成，照理说，这本该高兴；但放屁的毛病最近有加剧的趋势，莉莎因而甚是苦恼，最后决定去看医生。“医生，我的毛病越来越难控制了，电梯里放过，宴会上放过、记者招待会上放过、董事会议上放过……基本上是一有就放，很难憋住，医生，你一定要帮帮我！”莉莎向医生诉苦道。“你周围的人一般有什么反应？”医生问道。“对了，忘了告诉你，我真是幸运得很哩，虽然经常在人多的场合放，但又没有声音，又没有味道……实话对你说吧，我刚刚放了一个，你没有听到声音吧？也没有闻到味道吧？哎哟， ...

Awomanwenttothedoctor'sofficewhereshewasseenbyoneofthenewdoctors...butafter4minutesintheexaminationroom，sheburstout，screamingassherandownthehall.Anolderdoctorstoppedherandaskedwhattheproblemwas，andshetoldhimherstory.Afterlistening，hehadhersitdownandrelaxinanotherroom.Theolderdoctormarcheddownthehallwaytothebackwherethefirstdoctorwasanddemanded，"What'sthematterwithyou？Mrs.Terryis63yearsold，shehasfourgrownchildrenandsevengrandchildren，andyoutoldhershewaspregnant？"Thenewdoctorcontinuedtowr ...

Jerrywenttoapsychiatrist."Doc，"hesaid，"I'vegottrouble.EverytimeIgetintobed，Ithinkthere'ssomebodyunderit.I'mgoingcrazy！""Justputyourselfinmyhandsforoneyear，"saidtheshrink."Cometomethreetimesaweek，andI'llcureyourfears.""Howmuchdoyoucharge？""Ahundreddollarspervisit.""I'llsleeponit，"saidJerry.SixmonthslaterthedoctormetJerryonthestreet."Whydidn'tyouevercometoseemeagain？"askedthepsychiatrist."Forahundredbucksavisit？Thebartendercuredmefor$10.""Isthatso！How？""Hetoldmetocutthelegsoffthebed！A ...